Husnul Khatimah

Hi, guys. Well. Not like people will read this. But, this is somehow has become my own diary.

Want to write about this yesterday. But, the internet got really slow and I'm better fast asleep to not miss subuh next morning. Yeay!! I did it. Alhamdulillah.

Last night, before falling asleep. I came across a post about final year med's student in Moscow who's been involved in fire about few days or last week, I'm not sure. 

She died of complications of burns and CO poisoning. Al-Fatihah.

Her friends post about how she had been managed her life though living in very modern and non-islamic country. But,manage to maintain her path on our deen.

I got an inspiration about it. 

She died beautifully. Masha Allah. May she get the righteous place next to Him.

This real than ever, death may comes at any times to us. We should be preparing for it concomitantly as we're living in this world.

Some people says, you can't get others without sacrifice others. But, in this topic. We as a Muslim should know how to balance all this. And, the way is being in a considerable position.

This means not too occupied with works till you'll neglect your solah and other sunah things as a Muslim.

And, as a Muslim till become sooo fanatic in deen till you left out your parents and your family.

Did you get this?? I hope you do.

I hope and pray. I may face death beautifully without having any regrets. The only regrets I will have is no more time for me anymore to please Our Lord, The creator.

Let's work on it simultaneously as we live for this world.

Doing good, would only bring good to us. It maybe now or later. Because He is The Most Knowledgeable of all. 

Sleepless Night

I've lost count of how many nights that I may get a nice and deep sleep.

Ever since, I'm back in Egypt last winter break. I've been having trouble sleeping. Most of the times due to over-thinking, which I try to avoid. But, the thoughts keep on creeping in.

Especially, the thoughts of missing E. This is so unbearable guys.

Not that, I hate LDR, nor that I'm against His plan for me. But, I admit it's so hard. And I've been failing lots of time, trying to endure and acts like nothing.

As you know, I'm not surround by married people, most of my friends are single here studying. So, I'm having trouble faking that I'm ok to them. Well, they might think it is too cliche' if I told them what I've been through, what I feel because they might not understand it.

Every nights, trying to get to sleep means I'm encounter  a battle with myself, contemplating between studying to fill up the time I waste on bed trying to sleep. But then, I read few pages, yawn came. The routine rotate till I fell asleep. 

Alarm knocked on my ears, shut it off and realized, I'm not having enough sleep, only sleep for couple hours means insufficient energy to go to class. *sigh

Deep regret I had here. Every time. Each morning.

The biggest obstacle right now is myself. None other. May Allah ease me with strength from Him if this, me being here is the best for me to Him. Ya Allah The Exalted, I pray for strength to be able to endure this, patience to go through all this, and Your Guidance of what is better for me, grant me wisdom and knowledge in studies especially Ya Allah, for which all this from You. Amin.

Sympathy VS Empathy

Not all people can be empathize of what happened on us

Nor friends even sometimes family.

But, for surely my mom did. Though, we argue much due to different opinions which are lots and most of the time. Most of the times, I'm touched and blessed because she is my mother. 

She's my pillar of strength because being the eldest means you've been seeing all the struggles she go through for me and my sisters.

Being a wife, I know the struggles she's been through being far from her family and me from my hubby also. She always reminding me to respect my husband, never raised voices. I guess I get that thing from her.

The-silence-mode-on when I'm upset with E.

Yeah. I guess it's the best way because words hurt deeper than actions will, guys.

I love her so much.

Just now, heard her almost crying because she suddenly realized that she's been talking about things that may hurts me because she's been in that situation before me.

The tears. 

I'm sorry ibu. I'm still trying to be strong, been praying to Him endlessly. I know He got much better plan for me. Insha Allah. Amin. 

Married VS Studies

Lots of my friends been asking me before and some of them still do, "Why you take decision to marry instead of focusing only on my studies?"

Well, frankly, I don't have  that answer with me indirectly. What I had in my mind before and particularly that time was "This is His planning for me, things which He let it be easy, certainly a rahmah and barakah for me and for future". Insha Allah.

Me still being the typical servants to Him still have that waver-feeling whether my decisions is right or not. Forgive me, my sin, The Exalted.

But, E always supported me saying that this for His redha, Allah will helps us go through this. We have to keep on having faith and remain strong and sabr.

Many challenges I faced before the marriage, before finally E said, "Aku terima nikahnya..."

That moment, I remained blank. I can't really describes how I'm feeling that time. I came to my sense when he came to me and pulled my hand gently, trying to put on the ring to my finger and the necklace to my wrist. Not before, he prays for our marriage and put his hand on my head.

Some might cry. But, I can't. I'm just too grateful to Him that we're husband and wife now. Alhamdulillah.

Trust me, it is just the beginning.

The challenge is now, when we're being far, when I have to get back to Egypt to pursue my studies. Been longing for him endlessly. Crying. But, the sweetness of being far prevails we remain like a newly-wed couple when we met and when we're far, we're blessed with His redha because we love and missing our significant one whom is already halal for us. This is what I keep in my mind and my heart.

I'm not an expert. I'm telling you the reality. It still hard. really hard. There are several times, I'm feeling like my life is worthless. But, then I remember this :

"Cukuplah bagiku Allah (yang menolong dan memeliharaku), tiada Tuhan (yang berhak disembah) melainkan Dia ; kepadaNya aku berserah diri, dan Dia lah yang mempunyai Arasy yang besar."

( At-Taubah : 129 )

No matter how much you love someone, you should remember to love Him The Almighty first. Without His help and His love, I shall not meet E. I realized this when I know that E just live near to me, I mean for all this years, I'm in Taiping, back and forth for my studies and home, I'm not knowing him anywhere not until He let me, not until when the right moment. Isn't His The Most Graceful?? Subhanallah.

So, who am I to be complaining about I can't. When He certainly knows that I can, and let me be in this situation. I mean being a wife and oversea students. Definitely there's hikmah and something for me to learn.
I'm still praying and hoping, Allah grant me inner strength and sabr to go through all this. Amin

After all, our purpose nothing else except to please Him and for here-after. We're now preparing ourself in this world for the eternal one. Insha Allah.


 Solemnization

 My Side's Ceremony

E's side Ceremony

DIY Cheesy Wedges Sauce

I had this frenzy over cheese things. Literally, all things about cheese, I like it, I love it. Doesn't this shows how much I like it?? *self-proclaimed monologue, I guess.

Ever since the K**, introduce "cheesy wedges" in Malaysia. I've always asked my parents, friends to buy it for me.

I mean who doesn't love cheese??

Or, there is?? Pardon me because we're not in the same boat. 

So, here I am sharing the cheesy sauce recipe I found which very helpful for me in times when the craving killing me inside. Drama, drama, drama. What life without it, isn't it??

Cheesy Wedges Sauce

Ingredients :

3-4 tbsp of butter

250 ml of fresh milk

1 tbsp of flour

1/4 of chicken essence cube

6 pieces of cheddar ( I recommended Kraft )

A pinch of black and white pepper

Yellow colouring

How to make this?? 

Saute your butter in a pan.

 But, you need to be careful as butter easily burned. It is different than oil which takes 100 celcius to be heated. Butter only need about 60 celcius. You don't need to bring your thermometer  for this, just make sure you turn on medium-low heat

Pour the milk and heated it up till it bubble a bit

Put the flour into the pan. Then, mix it well. 

I mean you need to stir it continuously as the flour easily cloat together.

Put the cheese, the chicken cube and pepper

Personally, I like to shred the cheese into tiny pieces. This helps it to melt easily and nicely. You also have to put it a bit by bit, not dumping it all together into the pan also for the same regards.

Final : A bit of yellow coloring. Stir it well. and DONE!!

Potato wedges are the perfect crime partner and also mayonnaise.

Yes. This can be serve anytime. Easy and you can keep the sauce in bottle or tupperware and keep it in refrigerator. Then,heat it up whenever you want guys. 

In Denial

In denial. 

Me being a wife.

Me being a student.

Me being in LDR with E.

Our family getting bigger.

A very fast pace come through my life.Alhamdulillah. Well. I'm not pregnant. But, do pray for me. amin.

THE BIGGEST DENIAL I've been through is being far from E.

That's surely not all, being a medicine student and in my 5th year of studies, this year surely a bigger challenge than before.

Always crying telling E, "Honey, I'm afraid I can't do well, many people rely and hope for me to do well. And you knew it better"

Nonchalantly, he said, "Come just be back in Msia and be by my side. You're my wife. I don't care what people might say if you do be back in Msia for good"

Pfftt. That kind of confident. Where did he get that from?

Honestly, I've been searching that passion. The passion I once had during the first year I'm here.

I guess it's just the clingy wife in me speaks out loud.

Wanted to be there waiting for him to be back from work, waking him up for works, doing breakfast, lunch, dinner and in between that.

On the other hands, I'm kinda feeling I'm a bit slower in learning nowadays. This brings me down than ever.

On top of that, have to bear most of the annoying-snobbish-arrogant Egyptian's behaviors. Surely another major turn off for me.

I mean sometime they said A, in a minute, it would be B, another minutes again would be C. If I might go on, I would run out of alphabets already.

Seriously, five years I'm here. Always have to be cautious and prepare for battle if anything might go wrong in any minutes. I can be a Spartan then if I'm living in that era.

Well. My first update and it's already full of complaints. Forgive me guys. I'm not doing well to keep it all within me. But, this soothe me better to tell it all here. Thank.